In which Jane Elizabeth nearly dislocates her shoulders trying on ....

the "Body solutions - moulded multi-way full slip" in Marks and Spencers lingerie department changing rooms on thankfully, a very quiet, Wednesday morning! The previously mentioned garment is needed to encase my voluptuous form (nice way of saying a bit cuddly) for the bridesmaid dress that has just arrived in Berketex for a fitting - in fact for me to fit into it.

This was no mean feat, to which I will now explain in full! Having carefully chosen many and various forms of body sculpturing, waist nipping and fat flattening garments I located the changing rooms and with wishful thinking, in my part, tried on the above mentioned items. Nobody can fully explain this experience to you, rather like childbirth and/or learning to swim, until you've actually done it. The scene in front of the VERY unflattering full size mirrors was not something for the faint hearted, in fact during the trying on of the "full-slip thingy" I did very nearly dislocate my left shoulder and perhaps wistfully dreamed I needed rescuing by some very strong and masterful firemen from Nottinghamshire County fire brigade in very big boots and shiny yellow helmets but stop now, they would not have liked what they saw, as I certainly didn't. I sheepishly took back all the garments, looking perhaps a little flustered, and stated I needed a bigger size to which the lady, receiving my body solution garments, stated "Did you work out you should pull it up from the bottom and not over your head". Had they heard me struggling, was there secret CCTV in the cubicle or did my hair looked tousled in a very un-sexy way.!? Probably all three! Back I went in again with a larger version of the previous versions and did manage to pull this sculpturing device on without serious harm to myself or any furnishings and walls! The only problem with these underwear items is where the extra/excess skin/fat goes - I will leave this to the readers imagination......

You may ask why a flower, a passion flower at that? To take your mind of the very unkind images that I have described.

Always happy to help, love from the Very Magic Janey XXXxxx

Ben goes up to Scotland and Max goes down to Speedwell!

Last Friday Ben hitched a ride with Carole and Luca up to Aberdeen and while I type will be returning via train due to return at about 11pm tonight (Thursday). I spent the weekend fumigating his bedroom, whilst Max reveled in spending more time than usual on his big brother's computer! Nick, Max and myself took a day trip last Saturday to North Derbyshire near the village of Castleton where we visited the Speedwell Cavern. This is an old, disused underground cavern once mined, rather unsuccessfully, for its lead. This hour long adventure included a ride on a boat (with 15 other tourists!) along these underground tunnels, it was very cold, dark and atmospheric! Max was quiet for nearly 5 minutes, (world record for him) he even admitted to being a bit afraid! Above are a couple of photos taken whilst down the mine, in one photograph he is praying that his mum and dad don't leave him down there as we were told by the rather insightful guide that "he had started this job when just a small boy rather similar in age to Max!"

Carole and Luca visit to Lincoln - July 2010

Carole and Luca visited Dad and Valerie's last week and on Thursday myself and Ben and Max popped over to Lincoln to spend the day with them all. Valerie cooked her legendary crinkle cut chips (done in a proper deep fat fryer) with various salads and tuna and prawns. Fortunately the weather was fair but did decide to rain in the afternoon while Carole, Ben and myself took a walk to the local shops. We did get a little wet!

It is with great relief ....

... that I have completed the first year of my foundation degree. It is no surprise, due to a change in government, that there may not be the funding available to complete it. Back to washing up for me then - ha, ha, ha!!

More sunny days

Above photos taken of us all at Nana's (Nick's mum) in Lincoln on Saturday. The first 2 photos were taken this week in the back garden, world cup fever has now thankfully passed- you will notice the football sticker book! Dad and Val came over to us for the England v Germany match on Sunday where we all became armchair experts in football for 90 minutes or so. I personally think we should have lost about 7 nil but would obviously not dare to tell anyone this!

Big Ben and Mad Max

There are certain times in your life when you have to pause. Both of our boys, as you can see from the photos, are at very different stages in their life.

Ben has just finished his 'A' levels, thank goodness. I feel we have all been doing them! A great big sign of relief has been felt by all, things were a little tense. Revision was done and exams now finished. Prom night for Ben is this Friday for all 6th form pupils leaving his school so a suit was needed. We went to M&S. Ben has never worn a suit before and I will have to admit that I got a little emotional in M&S when he stepped out of the changing room - Mum's of big boys will know what I mean! He just looked so grown-up! Soppyness over with now. Since finishing school he hasn't been in before 1am, has now got 3 ear-rings and no job is forthcoming!

Max has been enjoying the fabulous weather that we are all experiencing in the UK at the moment. I do believe it has been nice for nearly a week. The above photo, taken of Max ,was one of many as he swung across the monkey bars then splashed into the paddling pool. As I said, we have had several weeks of warm weather now so long may it last.

More photos of family

Photos of us all - hope they are in the right order! The above photos are of Neville and Sylvia and their children Anya, Maya and Joost. With the Armstrong rabble, Grandma, Carole and Luca.

Magic Janey and the Clan are back!

Sorry it's been so long since I've been blogging. I have now got about 3 months of photos and news to share. It was Easter when I last posted which is where I will begin. Carole and Luca came down to see us all and we had a great few days together. Max and Luca got on fabulously, making dens, eating crisps, digging in the garden, chasing and playing and generally having great time. The weather was also very kind to us particularly the second week of the Easter break. Carole and myself went into Nottingham shopping for my bridesmaid dress, and as I had done a little homework already, was a quick affair. We both tried on our dresses in the Bridal shop and for a couple of 'old birds' didn't look too bad. Long dresses are very flattering - thank goodness! (With plenty of fabric to hide cake!!) We had a lovely get together with Neville and Sylvia and their children. Mum came over with Carole and Luca too and we all had a buffet lunch and sat out in the garden drinking, eating and chatting.

Dear Max can I please have your deliciously long eyelashes? Love Mum x

Loving photograph of me and Maximus taken just before our trip to Sherwood Pines. And just before a trip to 'Macdonalds drive-thru' which may I add we haven't been for such a long time that I drove past the order speaker and had to reverse to place our order. Will I ever get into the bridesmaid dress my little sister is telling me I have to wear!! Nick has suggested 'spanks', no this is not an extra-curricula activity for exuberant couples!, that apparently J-Lo (Jennifer Lopez?) wears. My concern is where the extra flesh, that has been 'spanked' into shape, goes? If it gravitates to my bosoms then great but if it is diverted to my knees then I'm sorry but fat knees have never been 'bootilicious'.

We are all looking forward to Carole and Luca visiting next week; weather permitting. Lots of things planned plus of course bridesmaid dress shopping (with lunch afterwards!) I hope to go into Nottingham tomorrow to try on a dress or two but this is babysitter Ben permitting!

Night, Night.

Inbetween the rain, today, at Sherwood Pines, North Notts

As you can see this is Max's kind of place. After being in for 2 days, partly due to weather and mostly due to me decorating the bathroom, we ventured out for the afternoon to Sherwood Pines. This has been extended over the last 2/3 years and has many climbing and den activity places. It was very cold so we had our hats and gloves on but for climbing purposes these were discarded! It had rained all morning but decided even if it did rain we didn't care as the trees would shelter us. We also went on an "Easter Trail" which involved following lots of arrowed signs and little pictures with simple natural history questions etc. This was great fun but as you can see Max did prefer going off the trail to climb. Later on Mummy went to the Cafe near the climbing frames and purchased a hot chocolate to warm her hands!! Luvly!

More excavations courtesy of National Geographics Dinsosaur hidden in a block of plaster of paris activity set

This was one on the best "activity sets" we've bought particularly if
1- you don't mind mess
2 - your kid loves mess
3 - your kid loves real tools (included were hammer, chisel - with real metal tip - fab, magnifying glass, small brush and goggles (for health and safety but in the Armstrong house these were soon discarded as they got in the way!)
This was a really good rainy afternoon toy, which it was (raining) and lasted 2 hours +/-.
It also took about 2 hours to clear up but who cares about that.
Please note Ben in background! (enough said)
Sorry pictures are out of sequence!!

Max the Archeologist/Max just loves to dig for treasure!

These photographs were taken a couple of weeks ago; when it appeared the sun was shining. Max spent 2 days (in fact the whole weekend) digging for treasure. Several (whole) old wine and beer bottles were discovered as well as crockery and 2 broken teapots. In this spot last year he dug up a silver spoon dated 1901 - fantastic.

The Easter Break

Max and Ben are pictured here yesterday. Both having a bit of duvet and DVD time while mummy was decorating the bathroom. Ben looks like he has just got up, which indeed he had, and Max is in usual nutter pose - that's my boys.

Yes, and I did cut Max's hair and its still a bit short, but it will grow.

Busy Beaver

Sorry this is the wrong way up. Max is pictured here at Beaver Scouts where myself, Nick and Ben came to watch. He has been attending for about 6 weeks now and they have decided they wanted to "Invest" him. This is the photo of him just before he repeats his Beaver promise, holds up 3 middle fingers(!!!) and had his kerchief and woggle presented to him. He was such a proud boy. He also received 3 badges that were sewn on his blue beaver top as soon as we got home.

25th Wedding Anniversary

We celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary this month (9th). This photo was taken, by Ben, just before we went out for a meal at the Bombay - yes an Indian Restaurant. We went out twice in one week (whoopee!!), as we both celebrated our birthdays too, and if any one knows me will know that is far too much revelry and I was duly exhausted!! Ha! Ha! I may have drunk a couple of bottles of white wine and of course had to sleep it off! My sturdy exterior belies a far more delicate interior!! We had many lovely flowers, presents and cards which we both appreciated.

Ben returns from Berlin, the drinking of toilet water by Max, visit to Dad and Val's and Magic Janey has to wear a bridesmaid dress!

The half term holiday -

Ben returned from Berlin on Monday morning (approx 3am). I discovered him in his bed later on that morning when we all got up. Obviously Ben needed to stay in bed all day to recover from all the sightseeing and educational visits. A lot of the sightseeing was done in the many bars that Berlin has to offer and apparently "the beer is cheap out there mum" was the excuse used. Ben was not really away long enough for any of us to really miss him (he was only away for 4 days). Max and myself played several CBBC computer games (with the Shaun the sheep woolly jumper game being our favourite and very silly!!) on Ben's computer and I'd cleaned and cleared the room so we could breathe rather more decent air than normally is lurking in Ben's room. Max said, in fact, he didn't miss his brother as he got to go on CBBC web site more but that out of all the brothers in the whole world Ben would be the one he would choose. Ahh, very sweet, you may say. This did not last as, once Ben was in the land of the living, Max's assaults and annoying big bro' regime returned with gusto and usual family life was resumed!

To keep out of Ben's way, on Monday, Max and myself spent the day at his school on an 'Activity Day' which consisted of creative activities with Max in the morning and in the afternoon he participated in multi-sports and I went to a watercolour painting class where we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves (not only because we got a break from each other) and we learned new skills.

On Tuesday Max had a friend round to play - all day. Both boys play really well together, Max being rather bossy and his pal being usually tolerant. They run around like a couple of nutters, play Lego, climb on the climbing frame, play pet shops with plastic animals and with Sparky until mummy intervened, make pancakes and eat several and, yes, drink water out of the toilet - nice normal 6 year old activities! Yes, apart from the last one. Max's friend fortunately informed me of the latter exploit and Max, after blatant denial, admitted it. Fortunately he came to no harm and his friend wasn't daft enough to try it!

On Wednesday myself and Max went to Lincoln to visit Dad and Valerie. We had Valerie's delicious home-made crinkle cut chips and sandwiches, the chips being Max's favourite I obviously had to eat some - it would have been rude not to! Me and Valerie had a trip into Lincoln for a bit of retail therapy leaving Max and Grandad together for a couple of hours with a Hornby train set, a trip to the sweet shop (Spar) and a matchstick firing canon; everyone a winner.

Thursday and Friday are a bit of a blur - food shopping, hoovering etc. the usual stuff and I then went out on Friday night to my friend Jane's where I met up with my other girl friends (my antenatal friends of 18 years now, yikes) and had 3 glasses of wine (whoopee)! We, of course, all righted the world in just one evening - marvellous!

On wed or thurs night my little sister rang up and we chatted for over 2 hours. Wedding dresses and matron of honour dresses (Hatty Jacques style for big sister then) with sweet heart neck lines on full length bridesmaid dresses were discussed.
Please can I wear my leggings underneath Caz?

Well its Saturday night now will hopefully publish photos next time round. Night, Night.

Electric blanket still on at bedtime!

Everyone I work with and nearly everyone I speak to either wants to have a duvet day or has had one. This terminology has only been used in the last 5 or so years by the media; as in the olden days it was just call 'skiving'. Being only a part-timer, I use this term loosely as any time I spend at home after going to work or college is spent working for nothing - what I mean by this is no financial payment. I obviously get great personal satisfaction from picking up socks, underpants and jeans from one bedroom floor and from the other clearing Lego so minute you need a magnifying glass to see it (I am getting old and need my glasses changing, in fact it might help if I sometimes wore the damn things). The weather is still foul but the sun did attempt to come out at 2.15pm on Friday then teased us only for about an hour before buggering off and raining/drizzling again. There could be more snow by next Wednesday, whoopee! With my mum's help I have finally cleared the back garden of wooden pallet carcasses, an old wicker chair and 3 tonnes of rotting leaves. The garden was starting to resemble the beginning of one of those 'life of grime' documentaries on t.v. that I may have on the odd occasion seen - yuk!

Max received a 'Superstar Award' at school this week for '"being kind and sharing a book with another child" we were all really pleased about this as last week he had been unkind to several people - particularly two. The first was to shout at the school crossing patrol lady that she looked like she'd eaten too much shepherds pie and later on that day insulted his best friends mum by telling her she looked like she could do with "dropping the weight." In these moments, apart from wanting the ground to swallow me up and then beating my youngest boy, what does one do? No amount of parental experience could have helped me in these situations - apart from obviously making him apologise and then beating him when we had got home! (the last bit I didn't do but really wanted to).

Ben is still working hard at school. (No letters from school for several months now!) Next week he goes, with the rest of the History A level students, to Berlin. Various places of interest will be visited - the Reich tag and a Concentration/work camp as well as several German bars etc. The latter being very important to soak up the cultural differences and tastes of Germany through lager and schnapps! Ben has also taken up cooking, mostly curry and mostly vegetable based. Nobody but myself has tried them but a glass of water was needed and fire extinguisher after just one mouthful. Yikes! On Thursday night he was out until 3am (Nottingham pubs then onto Rock City), got up at 7.30am off to school about 8am - Oh to be young! He looked after Max for us last night (Friday) as Nick and myself went out for a pre-valentine meal! He's out again tonight and we've no idea what time he'll be back! At least when they're little you can tuck them in! (Lamenting Mummy tone - sorry!)


Sorry no photos today. Love from (but not feeling particularly) Magic Janey.

Photos inside and out at Wollaton Hall

Max recovering from another "rolling session" while Nick and Ben are deep in conversation. Yes Nick is sporting the latest accessory of the 49 year old male - a walking stick - a little scary me thinks dear! Ben, from obvious body language, is freezing cold with duffle coat and zip top completely open to a very thin white vest! Plonker!
Rolling down the hill.

Max and elephant skull.

Max and puma "Can I take him home to show Sparky" (our long suffering pet cat).

The Armstrongs go out for an afternoon together (yes all 4 of us!)

Today we all went to Wollaton Hall sited in Wollaton Park. We have been going to the Park ever since Ben was little (as they have wild stags and deers roaming around) but we have never been inside the Hall where we have discovered a museum which was FREE, even better. (We've only lived in Nottingham about 26 years!) The above photo was taken of Max rolling down the hill after we had been around the Museum which was full of Natural History mostly being stuffed wild animals, skeletons, skulls, insects and fossils. Max loved it and we were all inside in the warm as it was freezing cold today and as much as I like the fresh air it was nice to warm up.

Dad's (Grandad's) Birthday

The above picture is Dad outside in our back garden (this is a loose description as it rather looks like 'Steptoes back yard at the moment) with Max on the 'space rocket' ready to fly to Saturn. Grandad, as you can see, is about to board the vessel with the vital equipment of cigarettes and flying hat whilst being given orders from Max that he (Grandad) was the 'specialist' on the rocket on the journey to Saturn and Grandad replied that he would be using his 'specialist' skills to maintain and run the bar aboard the space rocket! Off they flew, only returning for red wine and orange squash - don't need to tell you whose was whose!!

Have been very busy and also not particularly inspired to write about stuff for the last week or so. Dad celebrated his 78th birthday at our house on 23rd January and have enclosed photos for you all to see. We had the usual beef stew and dumplings with loads of vegetables etc and of course a birthday cake that I found the recipe for in a magazine. Well when I say birthday cake I mean just cake really! The special ingredients were rhubarb and custard, the rhubarb being fresh and the custard being powder. Anyway the vote went 50/50 with myself, Dad and Max not liking it and Nick, Ben and Valerie wanting more. Dad said Valerie was just being polite but if anyone knows my dad they'll know this was just a little jibe and hopefully the large piece I gave them to take home was eaten by one of them. Without going on any more about this cos I'm beginning to feel people already glazing over, I won't be baking that recipe again.

It was nice to see.......

It was nice to see the paths and roads for a change as well as being able to walk around outside without thinking I may fall over. Nothing much to report from the Armstrong camp at the moment as we have been getting on with school and work as usual and the weekend is nearly over. Have enclosed a photograph of the wood burning stove, unlit but, looking lovely.


The next photo is from Saturday of Max devouring pancakes with freshly squeezed oranges and sprinkling of sugar. Delicious, we both had 2 each, and highly nutritional! The last photograph is of Max, today, in the back garden setting up traps on his climbing frame! Rather a serious face though; deep in thought. Night, Night from Magic Janey and the Clan.

Black ice, booties, no school, altercations, escaping and Caz and Gaz Wedding date!

Please note the lovely photograph of our delightful youngest boy! Do not be fooled; he is a little g*t! (many stars may appear in my blogs over the next blogging; firstly because my mother will be reading this and secondly because there is a need for it).

Max's school was closed today, black ice etc. The school, being very up-to-date, sent a text message (at 07.04am) informing me of the fact but me being not so very up-to-date and probably a bit busy didn't bother to read it until 5 minutes before we were due to leave. This was no great shakes as we almost live opposite the school. Max, of course, was delighted with lots of whoops of pleasure and "yes, yes, yes" whilst punching skinny arms in the air. This initial joy rapidly diminished when I informed him a trip to the supermarket was needed. Max, like most boys, does not like shopping in fact I would go so far to say he hates it. Anyway, after a few words, the T.V. was put on while mummy started her 'maid' duties (pockets frisked for memory sticks etc!) and told him we would go in a bit. Max was in a difficult mood and very quickly the morning quickly declined in to one of several 'altercations' (Mum/Grandma knows about these). He quickly decides he's going outside, coat, hat and wellies on, then backpack from his room + a blanket, he's decided he's leaving home and tells me "I'll need a blanket for when I'm sleeping on the streets and I'll need a bowl to get money from people too." Great, he's already learnt about the welfare system in the U.K. that's my boy! Calling his bluff I wish him farewell, this is not the first time he's done this so I play along - you know what I mean. Off he trots out the back door and into the back garden where we are surrounded by several other back gardens and the only real escape route is blocked by a pointed topped wooden gate (always locked) that's over 6ft high in someone else's driveway. After a few minutes he's already been and come back, but not before dropping his furry hat (which he'll probably use for begging) and his blanket into next doors garden, over he goes head first over their fence, retrieving the fallen goods and he's back again. Through the house, out the front door, and off he goes, by this stage I'm outside, still calm (and for those who know me this is no mean feat) he's already coming back and I casually suggest he probably needs a few provisions that we can buy in Morrisions if we go now. The journey to the car from our front door is the real test. We get to the car, 2 seconds gone, and he's gone, this time really gone. I go down the path, and next doors and the other next doors, I walk up the road. I start to call him, our neighbours over the road come out, are you looking for Max? (everyone around us knows him - infamous Armstrong hooligan) He went that way pointing the opposite to where I was going, off I go again, 5, 10 minutes, still no Max. The neighbours husband comes out, asks if I want any help, forever the independent woman I say "Oh no, he always comes back" very convincing, not. Another 5, 10 minutes, my Max calling is now getting a little strained I'm asking several people if they've seen a six year old, orange coat, front teeth missing, am now thinking "Sh*t, this is silly". Back I go to the house, running now I can see Rob the neighbour with the little monkey and he's having to man handle the little g*t so he won't run away. Once profuse thanks were given to our neighbours, I shoved him in the car and read out the riot act. I'm surprised family in Lincoln didn't hear me!! For family far away, the escapologist or Houdini has done this before, our holiday in Wales was a nightmare as he was still a pretty, blond curly haired bundle of naughtiness then being only 2 when he disappeared for nearly half an hour and was found half way up the mountainside talking to some chickens - all the residents in the local b&b's were out looking for him and we were minutes away from a police call. Anyway I digress, this was the start to my day off work and it was not a great one. Once we had got back from the shopping trip and had lunch I started to bake a cake which will not do anything for the muffin top thing but made me feel a lot better!

Taking of black ice I nearly fell on my booty yesterday, the path was extremely slippery, which reminds me that I properly hurt my booty (coccyx) at school 6 weeks ago. I went to sit down on a chair to play the piano at school (obviously in a Les Dawson manner) and missed the chair, wow that bl**dy hurt, several friends came to my aid - not that they could lift me (slight lie I don't quite weight 15 stone yet but if I keep eating the cake I've made .... enough, enough) . Couple of visits to the doctors, no sympathy at home, My walking stance was one of someone who had pooed themself, not an attractive sight in anyone over 2 years old! Spoke to my Dad and after a little bit of empathy (he'd done the same a couple of years ago, infact nearly every one, I tried to bore with my sore bottom tale - no pun intended, had a story to tell about their coccyx) said to me "did the kids cheer when you fell down?" thanks Dad!!

Brilliant News in: Carole and Gary have set a date for the wedding - 30 October 2010.

I've been set a task already by my minnie but mighty lil' sis - "You're doing the wedding favours", I haven't a clue what these are. I did ask her but she told me to "google it". Little sisters have no respect for their elder sisters. I do seem to recall her task during my wedding day which was to do with scowling for the whole day (yes, I know you were only 16 Carole but the whole flipping day) a marvellous and endearing Corthorn trait to which any of my dad's side the family will be fully aware of. Our eldest son Ben is a particularly good scowler this trait having leapt over his mother and landed on him. I've also been informed I'll be a bridesmaid - wow - long dress and waistline needed - help - somebody hide the cake. Is there an age limit for bridesmaids, it seems such a dated term, am I not too old? Perhaps 'old maid' or just 'maid' as I am referred to in the Armstrong residence. Mums, grannies, aunties, sisters, basically all the girls, will already be hat and dress shopping and have begun to think about the colour co-ordinations, flowers, hair styles, shoes, bags ....... all men visiting my blog will now, if not already, have fallen into a deep coma only to wake up if the words FOOTBALL, BOSOMS, FARTS or COMPUTERS are mentioned. Good night! P.S. fellas get your wallets at the ready!

The Family and Various Important Events Since September 2009

Ben on his 18th Birthday with me and Nick and lil' bro' Max and next
photo Dad, Valerie and Mum.

Last year there were several significant birthdays. Both Ben and Max have birthdays in October (just a week apart) Ben having his 18th birthday and Max turning 6 years old this year. Valerie also had a special birthday in October - her 70th and in November Mum celebrated her 70th too.

This photo above was taken in September when Uncle Bill (working in Nepal) and Cousin Nev (now stationed in Germany) came over to visit for a few weeks to the UK. Nev and Sylvia are recent proud parents to a baby boy called Joost and my Uncle Bill in now a Grandad. Congratulations! I must say having not really studied this photograph before, now I have, I honestly think that all of the Armstrong boys in this photograph look a little unhinged - maybe it is my photography - Scary boys!

In September we all started back at either school, 6th form and college. Nick, poor man, not having the luxury of the whole 6 weeks summer holidays with his boys, was at work for 5 out of the 6 taking just a week off with me and Max in Staithes (North Yorks Coast). It is the third year that I have had the "Macmillan Coffee Morning" at home and yet again it proved to be a lovely morning. The day was warm and sunny and we had a really good turn-out, lots of tea, coffee and cake with Mum and Valerie helping me with the drinks and baking cakes etc. Thanks to all my family, friends and neighbours we raised 60 pounds (sorry Ben's computer does not have a pound sign!)

Memory sticks, becoming a radio 4 listener,(I once was a punk rocker), toasting nuts and much more

Ben and Max left alone with the digital camera ....


and again.

On Saturday I managed to wash and tumble dry Ben's memory stick (which at the time I assumed was full of his 'A' level course work). I discovered this when I retrieved the dried clothes from the tumble dryer which had, when I come to think about it, been making quite a loud clunking/scratching noise. As per usual I ignored this noisy machine as the usual culprits are buttons, small change and/or pound coins (always pocketed by the maid!) and the ever-robust Lego. Oh dear! Nick assured me that memory sticks are extremely durable gadgets and in experiments done to test their durability after having been blown-up by a small bomb, with the casing possibly being ruined, the information stored has been left intact! I think he told me this to reassure me but not until Ben had tried it in his computer ,and found it was O.K., did I breathe a sigh of relief. Do 18 year old males need reminding to remove any items that may be in their jeans pockets yes they bloody do!

I am going to admit to it, yes, I have become a radio 4 listener. I love the voices, enjoy the interesting articles and debates, love the plays even sometimes listen to the Archers HELP! Anyone who knew me as a youth will know that this would have made my toes curl to have known that this is what I would be listening to in my 40's! Oh how time flies! As a black plastic bag wearing punk rocker teenager listening to anything other than Siouxsie and the Banshees, Kate Bush, the Clash, the Jam (I still love Paul Weller even though his hair styles are a bit fancy for a fella), Sex Pistols, the Damned and the Buzzcocks stuff, would have been out of the question. Well lets face it when we were in our teens you thought 24 was old. In fact this is just how our 18 year old thinks now and of course mum and dad never had a life and have always been 40+!! I can still appreciate Arctic Monkeys even though I'm old enough to be their mummy. Even old people like me can appreciate a bit of fast and furious!! Mmmm! Have not quite slumped into the comfy waist band slacks, slippers and pipe yet!

Our wood burning stove is proving to be fabulous, not only does it look good and feel warm and cosy but it can also toast nuts! Steady Jane, Oh yes, the aged Armstrongs of Nottingham can often be found of a winter's evening toasting nuts on the wood burning stove - delicious! With the foul and freezing weather we are having at the moment it has been very lurvely to warm our toes whilst sipping a glass of sherry or port particularly over Christmas. The bad weather gave me another day off school last week and, as I only work half a week, only went in one day!! Sadly Max's school was still open (yippee) and Nick of course, having fought at Dunkirk in the second world war battled through the ice and snow to get to work to keep us all in the luxurious manner we are all accustomed to!! You would think he was to only person keeping the U.K. going last week. Never mind dear. Ben went to school 1 day and then had ear ache which kept him home until the end of the week when he made a miraculous recovery enabling him to attend an 18th Birthday party until 3am thanks to the amazing medicinal properties of Lager!

Self Service Library. Tank tops and Muffin tops!

Week before Xmas:
Nick, me, Nana(June), Ben, Jack, Dad,
Mum, Max and Valerie.

Max on Xmas morning!

Over the xmas break I took our youngest son to the library to return about 10 overdue books and possibly take out a couple more. We were met by the latest waste of our council tax - 2 'self service' machines. These were 5 ft high metal boxes with scanners and buttons on the front of them. For those of you familiar with this latest technological advance please accept my apologies for my lack of technological know-how (something my long suffering family have to put with on a daily basis). The two librarians, who used to be behind a desk with a computer and date stamp to hand, were on this day helping everyone with this latest 'invention'. When asked, by myself, whose idea this was, I was given the answer that someone in the county council at head office had the idea. This will supposedly cut down on man hours, probably costing several thousand pounds each, and alot more expensive than two helpful librarians. The thing is I want a person to stamp mine and Max's books, I want to see ink being pressed from the inkpad onto the inside cover full of dates, I want to talk to library people about the books I've read, about to read or order etc. " When am I going to know when to bring the books back", I asked, after we had chosen a few books, scanned them (you can do this in piles now!) I realised I didn't have a date stamp. Another button was pressed and out came a receipt, about the same size as a store till receipt. Great, now another piece of paper scrunched up in my overflowing purse, not overflowing with twenty and ten pounds notes I might add but mixed up with other receipts that I shove in their on an almost daily basis.

The Xmas break has been a stretch, not just for the old bank balances but for my ever expanding waist, if this is really an apt description, for my mid-drift that appears to be drifting every where but IN. I blamed my swelling stomach on a change of 'pill' but after talking to my little sister Carole, blunt but truthful talking prevailed- it must be all the little extras I had been nibbling over the festive season. Surely not I exclaimed, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, turkey, brussel sprouts, roast potatoes and stuffing in a sandwich several times after xmas day cannot be the reason for this bloating! Never! In the sales I bought several pairs of skinny jeans in all manner of denim and the like fabrics, oh dear, skinny was not the reflection that greeted me in the full length mirror in our bedroom - I have discovered 'Muffin Top' and it is not a pretty sight! Another thing I have discovered is the tank top. These not only keep you warm (old lady talking) but can help to cover up the middle area. Enough said.